


He saw her

by ninusch



Category: The 100
Genre: Bellarke, F/M, One Shot, Post-MW, Suicide Attempt, side character death, trigger warning suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-17 03:52:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2295665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninusch/pseuds/ninusch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amidst a raid, Bellamy learns something of Clarke he would have never thought.<br/>Post-Mount Weather</p>
            </blockquote>





	He saw her

He didn’t know the name of the kid before the tour. He saw him once or twice but his face was none you would remember.  
Small-ish. Sharp nose. Pale, brown hair, brown eyes.  
His eyes would haunt Bellamy in his sleep. Will had looked him right into the eyes when he put the gun into his mouth.

Clarkes screamed. She would beat her fist against the metal door but it didn’t give way. Of course it didn’t. They have been trying the last three hours without any success. Only Will was able to do that. Only from the inside.

“I’m not cut for earth. I knew it from the start.” his voice had rattled through the old comm. “This way I might … y’know … contribute … at least one thing.”

Then he had pulled the trigger.  
Clarke would beat her hands against the door. “NO! No! No No No!!”  
She wouldn’t stop screaming.

This was supposed to be a simple tour. In and Out. Get their hands on everything they could get, they could carry and that would help their new camp.

Man, he had been so _so_ wrong.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Monty had been pondering over the maps from Mount Weather since days. Now his excitement was at a breaching point: “I found the key, I can read their maps. I think.”  
He winked at Bellamy and started telling a lot about how he cracked the key, which ones indicated grounder camps, reaper territory and old, deserted towns and structures prior the A-bombs.  
  
He taped on one sign: “This is a former bomb shelter. Might be stocked with stuff and only a day trip from here.”  
“Worth checking out.” Bellamy looked at the map and Clarke shifted next to him: “What does this mean?”  
She pointed at a chiffre next to the mark of the shelter. “I’ve seen it in Mount Weather. It means that there might be some kind of radiation. Either storage or nuclear power station or something.”  
  
“Still worth checking out?”, Clarke asked in Bellamy’s direction with raised eyebrows.  
“We need a lot of stuff, Princess, you know that better than anyone else. We live here already for three month, probably under constant radiation if I interpret the Weather-mens paranoia right.”  
She shifted. She remembered their de-contamination section too well.  
  
“Means that they might not have raided that shelter themselves. And by having their second base so close to it, they probably also checked that it’s not in danger to explode in an atomic blast any minutes.”  
Bellamy crossed his arms over his chest.  
“Take it or leave it, princess.”

She took it.

Will volunteered when they told the 100 that they might need someone fit with Tech and Computers for they didn’t know what they could expect in the shelter.  
He was a quiet one, Will. With slumped shoulders he held the gun like it would bite him any moment.

The shelter was like a shopping spree to the ration center back on the ark.

Untouched, they found blankets, clothes, shoes, some canned food as well as survival packs.  
Bellamy found a guitar.  
Clarke was delighted to find books and pens and Bellamy shook his head.  
Will found the nuclear power station behind a steel door.

Turned out the system was still calibrated very good, even after 100 years. As soon as the door opened too long, suddenly an alarm went off and a mechanical voice called out for increased radiation danger, security breach and precautionary measures by Lock-Down.

It was still long enough for Will and Clarke to be on the wrong side of the Lock-Down.

The voice wouldn’t stop warning of increased level of lethal radiation and when the metal door closed with a final smash, all Bellamy could see through the bulls eye was the infinite fear in Clarkes eyes.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It took Monty, Miller and him to prevent Clarke from banging her hands bloody against the metal door that shielded them from the nuclear storage and the sight of Wills corpse.  
Clarke stopped screaming but now she was in shock. He had never seen her like this.

“Bellamy.”

“Clarke? Clarke, look at me? Clarke, can you hear me?”

“Bellamy!” Monty urged.

“What?” he hissed, while he still had his hands on Clarkes shoulder trying to rock sense into her.

“She’s been in there for almost three hours …”

“I know, Monty!! What do you want to say???”

“We should … you know … make sure she is … you know … cleaned of the radiation.”

Bellamy cursed.

Clarke wasn’t even able to lift a finger, let alone wash herself up.

“Damn, Clarke! Come on, get out of there!” She still wouldn’t response.

“Bellamy…” Monty started but Bellamy interrupted him, “I know! Let’s get out of here as quick as possible.”

He lead her careful to the shower station. Miller and Monty shifted nervously behind him with enough space between them and Clarke that they would defiantly not be helpful.  
Bellamy cursed.

“Ok, Clarke. I’m … I’m gonna wash you a little bit, ok? Make sure you are not radiation infested. Do you understand me?”

She looked into space and nothingness, face pale and eyes empty.

“Shit.” Bellamy cursed again and handed his trifle and sweater roughly to one of the guys – _cowards_ – behind him.

He very slowly led Clarke by her shoulders next to a shower-head and tried to figure out how to start.

_Let’s start small shall we?_

“Ok, Clarke, I’ll talk you through it. Just … say ... when you … Look, I _need_ you to say when you want me to back off, ok? Please? Clarke?”

Still no reaction. He sighed.

“Ok, let’s get you out of your shoes first, shall we?” He went to his knees and very slowly helped her out of the first, then the second shoe and threw it to the entrance. Monty and Miller backed away from them as if they would attack them any moment.

Bellamy turned his attention to her wristbands and meanwhile blurted out everything that came to his mind, explaining in every detail what he was doing, just as much for her as for him.

He would have to lie if he said that he never fantasized about undressing the princess. But in his fantasies she was certainly very much awake, very much not in shock and very much willing to do the same for him. In his fantasies they were very, _very_ much not in a nuclear infested bomb shelter, Monty and Miller wouldn’t usher nervously behind his back and Will would have never …

_Stop! Stop there now, dude! Later. That is something for later._

He took her father’s watch and unwrapped the wristband underneath when he saw it.

He stopped talking and starred over her now naked wrist for a moment before he said in the direction of Monty and Miller: “You two! Go and find some new clothes for Clarke. And for us! We will need to burn everything that we can replace with the resources here. And we might should …” he coughed slightly, “… give her some … some privacy …”

He could have sworn Monty and Miller had never been faster to leave a room than in this very moment.

They kept the door ajar at least and he could hear them rummaging around in the corridors.

Bellamy turned his attention back to Clarke’s writs and the big, narrow scar over her artery.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Clarke found the comm next to the door.

“Bellamy?” she sounded frightened. _Well shit_.

“Ok, don’t panic! We are getting you out of there. Can you open the door from the inside?”

Will ushered around. Then he shook his head: “There is an old control panel, but it is burned up.”

Then they found barrels with the hazard symbol on them. Will started to shiver. Clarke got pale.

Her voice was raw over the comm: “I think we are exposed to high level radiation in here, Bellamy. We need to get out of here. Soon. Very, _very_ soon!”

Their gazes met through the bulls eye and Bellamy saw Clarkes eyes watering up. If anyone knew the effect of high level radiation exposure to the human body she did. And she was scared to death.

“Monty, Will! I don’t care what you do! Get them out of there! Now!”

It took them nearly two hours.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Clarke thought she might go crazy.

It was too hot in the storage, so she took off her jacket and sweater _. I will never wear those things again. Never. Never!_

She had tied her hair in a bun, but yet wisps of it would cling to her neck and face. She was too hot, she was dehydrated and she was scared out of her mind.

As prisoner in Mount Weather she learned to take the dangers of immediate radiation very, _very_ seriously. She also developed a fear of close spaces.

Growing up on a space station with nothing but close spaces this sounded fairly ridiculous but her second time in solidarity and after getting to know the freedom of open nature and boundless land around her, she just couldn’t take it anymore.

_Get me out. Get me out. Get me out. Please, please, please…._

She looked up and saw Bellamy shifting in front of the looking glass, watching her very closely. She couldn’t lose it in front him. She couldn’t lose it in front of anyone, especially not Will who proofed to be much more fragile than she’d expected from someone volunteering for a raid.

He had found an old computer and was typing away for an hour now. Monty apparently was doing the same on the other side of the lock-down. Still, no results.

She felt she was breathing too hard, she felt she barely managed to pump enough air into her lungs anymore and a bead of sweat dropped into her eyes. She closed them shut, chanting an internal mantra.

_Don’t lose it, Don’t lose it. You will get out. You will get out. Bellamy will take of this, Bellamy will take care of this._

Will suddenly exclaimed: “I think I can open the door.”

Clarke ran to his side, staring at the screen filled with green code on black surface that might as well could have been a forgotten language to her.

Will suddenly got very still and stared at the screen.

“Will? Will! What is it? What is going on?” she knew she was getting hysteric but she felt her nerve slipping to her fingers like sand. Bellamy’s voice bellowed through the comm, demanding to know what happen, calling for Monty and Miller.  
Clarke could see him gazing through the bull’s eye, brow frowned in concern.

“Will thinks he found a way to open that door!”

Bellamy’s face lit up in hopeful excitement

“Clarke. Please go to the door”, Will said with a thin voice. She practically ran.

“You will have to be very quick, ok? I can override the system just for a very short time”, Will warned her and she was suddenly taken aback from his tone, unsure whether to turn around and ask what was up, because something was wrong, she could hear it, but she could get out of here, she was too eager to leave, to shower the radiation off of her and put as many miles between this godforsaken shelter and herself than possible, to be in the open again, it was so close, she felt her fear crashing her down and she didn’t cared, she didn’t cared, she was allowed to be fragile too, scared too, she could go first too, so she just waved impatiently with her hand.

“Please, Will, just open that fucking door! Hurry!”

“Clarke?” Bellamy asked and put one hand on the glass and following an instinct she put hers on it as well, smiling weakly: “Will can open the door!”

“Door open, in three … two … one…”

It cracked, the door slid open and immediately the alarm went off, but Bellamy was faster, wrenching her by her elbow on the other side and the door slammed shut again and only then Clarke realized the mistake.

_Fool! We are such fools! Will, Will, Will!_

She turned around and saw Will still sitting in front of that computer, with slacked shoulders and a sad smile on his face.

Then she saw the gun in his hands.

“No! Will!”

Bellamy pushed her aside: “Will, what are you doing? Get out of there! Now! This is an order!”

“I can’t.”

“What?”

“The system … I could only override it manually. Only once. It is shutting down now.”

_Oh God! I left him! I gave him no choice, I left him to die._

“Will, there must be way!” she suddenly realized she was already crying.

He shook his head.

“Will …” Bellamy started but Will yanked up from the chair violently and rushed in the middle of the room, gun still in his hand.

“I tried to kill myself in Mount Weather. They prevented it and gave me meds and I thought I met get through … but I feel I don’t. I know I don’t.”

“Will, no! Please no!”

“You are so important Clarke! I got to save your life today. That makes me very happy, y’know?”

Bellamy could do nothing but just stare through the looking glass as Will turned the gun towards himself.

“I’m not cut for earth. I knew it from the start.” Wills voice rattled through the comm. “This way I could … y’know … contribute … at least one thing.”

Then he pulled the trigger.

Clarke beat her hands against the door. “NO! No! No No No!!”

She wouldn’t stop screaming until she blacked out.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bellamy ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled loudly. _What a mess. What a fucking mess, Princess._

He heard Miller and Monty ushering through the hallways and knew that the sooner they be out of here the better.

“Ok, Clarke, let’s do this”, he took off his own jacket and reluctantly put his hands on the hem of Clarkes T-Shirt.

“I will remove your shirt now Princess … just … well … be warned.” He took a step closer and pulled.

Clarke didn’t react at all and continued to stare into nothingness. Her helplessness formed a lump in his throat and his traitorous eyes moved to her bosom.  
He coughed and undid her bun. Her blond hair fell in rough curls around her shoulders and he suspiciously eyed Clarke waist belt.

“Ok, and now for the trousers … shall we? Clarke?”

No reaction. _God, I so wish she would just slap me in the face!_

He unbuckled the belt and his shaking finger moved to the waistband of her pants.

Bellamys throat dried out and he started cursing: “God damn it, Clarke! That’s fucking unfair! Don’t black out on me! Come on, for fucks sake.”

He rubbed his face hard. _Focus, focus, Blake! You’re helping her! You are just helping her!_

He knew it. He really knew it. But it didn’t help to feel wrong on so many levels.

“Come on Princess, come back. Help me out here.” He whispered desperately.

She moved. Looked at him. Through him.

“Is he dead?”

Bellamy nodded: “Yeah … Clarke … I’m so sorry.”

 _Of course._ Of course it would be his desperation that would coax her out. She would always only listen to desperation and helplessness and soak it all in for the good of others.

“I need … to wash up. I will be … contaminated.”

“Yeah … yeah … that was what I was helping you with …”

She moved her hands to her waistband and Bellamy cursed under his breath when he saw how weak her hands tried to open the zipper and how much they were shaking.

He looked at her scars. _No surprise she would break down under it at some point._

He shook his head and put his hands on hers. He could smell the odor of her sweat and see the darker hairline peaking through her blond curls.

“Do you need me to help you?”

Clarke nodded. Bellamy opened the zipper and helped her stepping out of the trousers.

He slowly guided her to one of the shower heads and made sure the water was at least luke warm. He washed her hair. He helped her rub her skin until it was red and puffy. He heard her cry and sob but wouldn’t remark on it until she would clutch one of his hands to her chest.

The same moment he wrapped his arm around her the strength of her legs left her and he made sure they would slowly and safely slide down on the ground. She crawled into his lap and against his chest, like she would wish to disappear into him and sobbed hard with her face pressed against their entangled hands.

Water was raining down on them and Bellamy rested his chin on her head and rubbed slow circles on her back.

They would sit like this a long time.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Eventually they made it made it back to camp.  
It was a quiet walk.

At some point Clarke had unwrapped herself from him. While she dressed in the new clothes that Miller and Monty found her, the boys showered as well and made sure to get the hell out of this forsaken place.

Clarke would not remark on the scars. Bellamy would neither.

The very moment they delegated the storing and distribution of their pillage, Bellamy went to dig Wills empty grave.

“There is no corpse here, Bellamy. Why dig a grave?”

He looked up and smeared dirt over his forehead in the attempt to wipe away the sweat.  
“I need to feel it. The uselessness of this loss.”

He continued digging.

Clarke picked up a second shovel and joined him.

Two hours later they sat next to each other beside the fresh grave. Silence hung over them for a while now and Bellamy wondered who would start.

“You saw me.”

She did. It was no question.

“I don’t think you mean your naked body right?”

She looked at him in this Clarke-ish way and within he cheered, because there it was. That raised eyebrow. That little upward shift of her right upper lip. Annoyance written all over her face.  
It was clear she meant her failed attempt of escaping her life, but he needed to see her through, back out of the power station, the decontamination-center, Mount Weather, her decision to lit him and the grounders and so many on fire back at the drop site so many days ago …

“I can explain.”

“You don’t need to. I don’t need to know. We both come a long way … paved with debatable decisions …”

“I think I need to …”

“Look, Clarke.” He waited till she stopped avoiding it but raised her head to meet his stern eyes. “We are in this together. That was clear from the start. We struggle. We break. We … “  
  
"Don’t give me that, Bellamy. You’ve never been in solitary. You don’t know about Mount Weather, what they did …”  
  
“I know.” He couldn’t help but getting angry with her. “Or … Yes, I don’t know! I have no clue what happened to you there. Or to Will. Nobody told me. You never told me.”  
  
She already opened her mouth to interrupt him, when he stopped her with a wave of his hand: “And you don’t need to. You don’t need to explain yourself, or defend why you thought that a knife against your wrist is the best and only solution at some point. Not to me! Not here, not now if you don’t wish. But, Clarke I’ve never seen this like this. Not only after … Will … but before. It scared the crap out of me because … now, like right now or at least soon ... I can see you turn to that knife again. And that would not …”  
  
She swallowed hard. Her eyes stared watering. Fuck! This was going wrong, so wrong.  
  
“Look, Princess! You need to … cope! Go to Raven. Go to Finn! We both know I’m not your first choice for trust, and heart-to-heart and letting your guards down and letting someone in and talking about that. I know that I’m not that kind of a person. Not to you. I know that. And I’m fine with that.”  
  
 _No. No, I’m not. Fuck.Fuckfuckfuck._

Clarke stared into nothingness for a long time and he was scared she retreated back inside again. But suddenly she turned back to him. She smirked.

_That’s new._

She cupped his face with her and kissed his closed lips.

“You’re right. You are not the first choice”, she breathed against his mouth and his throat was paper dry, he parted his lips because he needed air, but he couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t say because she was so near and her eyes were so blue and he only now realized the terrifying amount of fear he suffered back in the shelter on the thought of losing her.

“But you are the right choice.” She leaned back in and this time he had his hand in her blond curls and was convinced that he would never let go again.

She smiled against his needy kisses.

“Don’t screw it up.”

**Author's Note:**

> First Bellarke, first "The 100" One Shot. In fact ... the first fanfiction and writing in a long time.  
> Let me know what you thing. I'd appreciate it. :-)


End file.
